Dear Turners,

I open this by saying I'm sorry about what you are currently going through. No family should have to deal with such stress. Having to witness your child going through something as horrific as you are must be testing. It must break your heart to see someone you probably still think of as your baby being hurt and his future shattered. If you read that again, and this time think of Brocks victim, it still makes sense doesn't it? If you put yourself in the place of the victims parents who, much like you, didn't envisage this kind of future for their child, it's impossibly easy to understand why an uproar has occurred. 

To Brocks father Dan, 

I sincerely hope you retract your letter. Or at least regret what you stated. Your son may have been happy go lucky and while you did try and humanise him you shouldn't have to. But you do, because your son raped and assaulted a young woman. Much like you claim your son is, I'm willing to bet that Brocks victim is "consumed with worry, anxiety, fear and depression," due to the fact your son couldn't control himself. Alcohol wasn't to blame for what happened on the nights of Jan 17th and 18th. No, your son is to blame and nothing else. Brock had to make a decision. Either he could leave an unconscious woman alone, leave her fully clothed and resting. Or he could assault her. As you know he chose the latter. That doesn't make him the man you clearly thought he was or could be. That means whatever bright future may have been ahead of him should be taken away. Just like that womans dignity was taken away with every unwanted touch of your sons hand. Your son is a rapist who happened to be a swimmer and college student. These things do not automatically erase what your son did. Neither will the embarrassingly measly sentence your son got. 6 months in prison will not erase the disgusting things your son did. Please empathise with the victim, or at least her parents. They too have had to see their childs future ruined or altered. Only, unlike Brocks future, this wasn't ripped apart due to her own actions. Your son chose to have his "20 minutes of action" with an unconscious woman and he should pay a price much dearer than he has been given. Once again. "binge drinking" was not responsible for what happened that night, your son was. Wake up and realise that your son is not the victim here. His future has changed due to his own callous and disgusting actions.

To Brocks Mother Carleen, 

Your sons smile should have been wiped from his face, and if he had been given the sentence he deserved then his smile would been gone from his face a lot longer. He may have been a polite and respectful child, but he was none of those things to his victim. As a woman you should recognise the severity of what your son has done. Your son may have been a keen swimmer from an early age and he may have achieved highly in academia. But your son chose to swim, he chose to study hard and your son chose to assault and rape a young woman. For that he deserves a suitable punishment and 6 months in jail simply isn't enough. He will never feel as violated as his victim did that night, he will never know of the horribly intrusive questioning she went through. He will never know the depths she will have sank to during her time recovering from such a disgustingly awful assault. Her alcohol consumption is not to blame for what happened, your son Brock is. Your attempts to humanise him genuinely make me sick to my stomach. Surely you can see how wrong it is to defend a rapist no matter if he is your son. If your daughter had been assaulted and raped would you  blame her? I hope to god you wouldn't and you instead would stand up and defend your daughter with the vigor you are defending your guilty son. His thoughtfulness as a child, once again, doesn't erase his actions. If he was truly thoughtful and respectful he would have known not to touch a woman without her consent. You may have raised a respectful, polite, high achieving young man but he certainly didn't turn out to be one. You need to realise your son assaulted and raped a young woman. His past has no impact whatsoever on his actions. His family history, his background or his athletic and academic ability cannot and should not have been taken into account when Brock was being sentenced. Victimising your son and blaming the REAL victim in all this is harrowing and completely out of order. Your son raped a young woman. Therefor he is a rapist and deserves the sentencing that should be attached to that. 

Yours,

A woman who is scared for humanity. 

No matter what age you are, at some point you will find things that remind you of your past self. Photos hide under beds, journals are stacked beside cd's and old plane tickets lay amongst the wires and old batteries that reside in your bottom drawer. Usually they make you sad. If not sad at least melconcholic-ly reminiscent of a time when things were better, simpler or just easier. And I know that feeling. 

But today as I looked for an old french text book I found my Bucketlist. Well not my bucketlist, more the bucket list of 14 year old angela. Angela who obsessed over MCR and refused to cut her hair. I refrained from looking at the piece of paper for a few minutes, wondering if I really wanted to let myself feel sad today. "You're finally starting to get a little happier, don't wreck it now," I thought. But then I went for it. It would only bug me if I didn't read it. 

When I finished reading the 103 things on the list I expected to feel bad, under-achieved and just plain awful. But I didn't. I felt warm. I felt like I'd just come home after two weeks with someone I hate. I felt a kind of calmness I have't been subjected to in a REALLY long time. Why? Because I've changed. And I'm so so overwhelmingly happy that I've changed. No one should share the same dreams as their 14/15 year old self. Granted I had accomplished 20-30 things on that bucket list but none of those things were forced. Most of the things I had achieved didn't happen for a few years after the list was made and by which time I'd completely forgotten it actually existed. And that's the thing. Life shouldn't be rushed. You shouldn't do a whole list of things in a certain time frame just to get them done. You should do them when you're ready and not let anyone pressure you into thinking otherwise. I completely understand that you should take life by the horns when you're young and able to. 

However,

 one thing I really noticed from this bucketlist is that I didn't care about most of the things on it. Yeah the times have changed so "Become Tumblr Famous" obviously doesn't appeal to me anymore. But "Get Front Row Tickets" wasn't for me. It was so I could tell my friends about the experience. It's definitely best that I didn't "get front row tickets" because I would have been left feeling a little empty and wondering why I got more pleasure crossing it from my list than actually attending the concert. 

How many people do you know that do things just to have a story to tell? No crazy story starts with "So we decided to stay in and watch Netflix" but a story isn't crazy unless you feel it. Unless you are so happy and caught in the whirlwind of what happened then I'm afraid that isn't a crazy story. Stories of getting stoned and high and so drunk I fell over the bouncer don't interest me in the slightest anymore because everyone does that. I haven't gotten drunk once where I haven't unintentionally done something equally funny and embarrassing.

 Tell me how you and a stranger fell into an alley and before you knew it you were back at their place eating popcorn in bed. Tell me how much you were touched by Barcelona and how you deeply you fell for that french guy you met at the airport. Life isn't actually about all the events you go to or how many times you got drunk with your friends. It's about the new experiences, the emotions and the things that give you goosebumps. Those are real things to achieve and while you can't write them all in a disgustingly long list, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Life isn't meant to be lived via checklist. Make a note of - go to Italy but don't tick it off the second you step foot off the plane in Milan. Everyone can go on holiday. It isn't much of an achievement. Bucketlists should be something to further yourself. Emotionally, physically and in every other way a person can change. 

That's why I was so happy. I realised that while I haven't visited Paris or gone sky diving, I have felt. I have felt deeply and I've had moments where I was so happy to be alive. 

Also I'm NOT saying that I don't want to hear every embarrassing drunk story ever told by my friends cos I damnwell do. So if you're reading this keep filling me in. I LOVE IT.

Today I've been given another timed writing prompt. So I've set my timer to 5 minutes to write about time.

Times a little abstract. Have you ever heard that tumblr circulating statement that time is a concept created by man? Well that fucked 13 year old Angela up. Everyone on earth has 24 hours in each day to do with what they please. The most successful people, for the most part, are the people who know exactly how to spend their time for optimum success.

I think that's why when I read about or see people the same age as me achieving such incredible things I get very freaked out and a little bit annoyed. I can't help but compare myself, regardless of their social, or financial situation. The fact that Kendall and Kylie Jenner were born into money still doesn't stop my mind from forcing me to feel inadequate. Kylie is even YOUNGER than me. But instead of spreading jealous hate, I let them inspire me instead. 

This has gone slightly off topic so I'll return to the prompt. Getting old scares me ie. Time passing. Think of how many minutes or hours you wasted today. Was liking those 56 Instagram photos worth it? Was watching a crappy film you couldn't be bothered turning off worth it? How many things did you put off in order to waste some time? Did you call your mum or watch that tv show? Did you go for a run or get two hours more unnecessary sleep? 

Whenever I've been in a slump I like to look at successful people who are my age. I bet they didn't eat a can of Pringles and trawl Spotify instead of furthering themselves. Time is good and bad and it's all about what you make of it. 

Thanks for reading! You can read my last five minute prompt post here. 

(I took this photo the last time I ever hung out successfully with my old friend group)

Last summer was a weird one for me. It feels like yesterday but it's been nearly three months since Summer ended. 

This summer I lost some friends. Through no fault but my own. Well, initially. 

I won't get into the ins and outs of what happened but here's the gist. 

I told two friends about a secret best friend swore me to secret about. She found out six months later from one of the friends I told.

I apologised and apologised but my best friend wouldn't accept it. As a result, and knowing I had drifted from the group already, I said I'd leave the group and keep in contact with everyone separately so as not to see my best friend. I didn't want everything to be nice as pie to my face and then having everyone hate me behind my back. This didn't come across in my messages so a few of my other friends took it that I didn't wanna be their friend anymore. 

Cut to a few weeks later and I find that the little clique went on a lil escapade without telling anyone outside of their newly formed clique. I post an indirect on Instagram through a tag which doesn't go down well and results in me being completely hated by the clique.

While I am fully aware I was in the wrong to begin and it was so immature of me to indirect I learned something massive from it. Apart from the obvious don't tell a huge secret when I know I shouldn't. 

Never ever apologise more than once for a mistake. I'm not in anyway saying you shouldn't apologise. But give one sincere apology. And I mean really really mean it. If the other person won't forgive you, then that isn't someone you want to be friends with. It is nothing but immature and, if I'm honest, stupid. Especially from an old and best friend. 

I also learned this summer that some friendships aren't as meaningful or watertight as you'd think. I lost friends in June but have I missed them? Not at all. I haven't had a forced conversation, or been forced to listen to immature freak outs for FIVE MONTHS. But what I've enjoyed most is not hearing backhanded digs at me, my boyfriend or my general feelings. It's a horrible feeling to be scared to tell your closest friends things for fear of ridicule or mean comments. My real friends shone through and I'm closer than ever to all of them. And despite the fact they know I told a secret, they still trust me and I'm one of their best friends. They understand that people make mistakes and they agree with me on the whole issue. We are different people and have different personalities but we still GET each other. 

So to anyone reading this here's what you should take away from this post:

⁃ If you make a mistake give one sincere and meaningful apology and if it isn't enough don't give another. 

⁃ If friends leave you when there's a split in the group, they aren't your friends. No matter how long you've been friends or how close you thought you were. 

Everyone makes mistakes and if you learn from them then you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Good things can come from mistakes which is exactly what happened to me. 

Thanks for reading and be sure to check out my social media. 

Before I get into this I'd just like to say my thoughts are with those in Paris and France. What happened last night was an act of cowardice and I can't even begin to comprehend what would bring people to to perform such a vicious attack. May those who were innocently murdered rest in peace and I hope those responsible will be brought to justice for their barbaric actions. This post is some light relief.. Or not depending on your thoughts of One Direction. 

One Direction have just released their fifth studio album ahead of what they are calling a year long break. On Thursday just gone they performed their first Radio 1 live lounge ever. In which they sang Torn. To any One Direction fan that song brings back memories of X Factor and curly hair and video diaries. It marks the start of the worlds biggest boy band. The song awoke 13 year old Ang who loved the band so much that every Monday she'd rush home just to see five boys sit on stairs and talk crap. So here I've compiled a list of the 10 best One Direction songs ever, in my opinion. 

I Would

An old school but such a happy tune. This was my jam three years ago and it 1000% still is.

I Should Have Kissed You 

This was the B side to One Thing and I OBSESSED. To this day every time I hear it I'm brought back to my bedroom and my cracked iPod touch and my Harry Styles screensaver. 

Over Again

OLD SCHOOL AND EMOTIONAL. Written by Ed Sheeran so a guaranteed great song. This is another one that brings me WAAAAAY back to being so excited because my two favourite artists had created a song together. 

Best Song Ever

I think I love this because it was played at my fifth year formal. I expected everyone to roll their eyes judgementally and scoff. Instead everyone headed to the dance floor and belted out every word, even the lads. I have such good memories of this song. It's such a feel good, sing in the shower song. 

Strong 

The chorus of this is enough for Strong to make it into this playlist. Belt it out, fake emotion, BUT I DON'T CARE I'M NOT SCARED OF LOOOOOOOOOOOVE. Just amazing. 

Happily

I usually listen to One Direction to cheer up. Their upbeat tunes instantly bring a smile to my face. This song is the pinnacle of my happy song. I dance and sing and smile so brightly I look mentally ill. But I LOVE this.

Little White Lies

The reason I love this song? THE DROP. I FEEL LIKE MY WORLD IS ON FIRE WHEN THE BEAT DROPS IN THIS. It's also the first properly sexual song of theirs so yano. YOU KNOW YOU WOULD GIRL. 

18

This was written by Ed Sheeran so it was obvious before anyone even heard it that this would be an incredible song. Emotional tbh. 

Change Your Ticket

This screams the 1975 so I was obviously going to include it here. Upbeat and preppy and such a good mood lifter.

Perfect 

This may be a brand new song but it's already made it into my One Direction hall of fame. HARRYS VOICE, THE SINGABILITY OF EVERY LYRIC, BLACK AND WHITE BAND MEMBERS. Honestly this is such a great tune and it will be FOREVER. 

I really really hope this isn't the end of One Direction. I'm a low key huge fan who pretends to have outgrown them, but belts out every breath to every one of their songs. Thanks for reading. You can listen to the playlist here and find the other playlists of the week 

here.

Sex is something that's very very personal and has different meanings to different people. Today there are so many sexualities and genders that sex no longer means penis in vagina or even penetrative sex. Sex is whatever the individual wants it to be. I won't explain all the variants of sex because, as a straight white woman, I simply don't know them all. Somehow though, and maybe this has to do with the times, the lines between consensual sex and rape have been blurred. 

Let me state clearly
 non consensual sex isn't sex, it's rape. 
There are no blurred lines with sex or any kind of sexual activity. Whether you count sex as vaginal penetration or simply mouth on clit, if it isn't consensual it isn't sex. 

So with that preface and given that society teaches people to not to get raped rather than don't rape here's a guide on

how not to rape:

• 1 - DO NOT think anyone owes you anything. Rid yourself of that thought immediately. It doesn't matter if you have been monogamous with the person you want to have sex with for 20 years or if you have only just learned their name, they owe you nothing. Just because you're horny and deem yourself worthy of their time doesn't mean you are. If they don't want to have sex, don't make them have sex.

• 2 - If the person you want to have sex with says no, then that's that. DO NOT beg them, do not guilt them, DO NOT make them repeat themselves. One no is enough.No does not mean convince them. If a dog can understand the word no, then so can a sexually active human. NO MEANS NO. Respect that.

• 3 - Just because a person can't talk and say no doesn't make that a yes. And by this I mean if a person is passed out/high/asleep/unconcious that is NOT a green light to fuck them or touch them in anyway. If they can't say no that doesn't mean it's a yes. 

• 4 - If someone is wearing revealing clothes it doesn't mean they're "Asking For It." What a person puts on their body doesn't warrant anyone to judge or make assumptions. You should treat a girl who's wearing a teeny tiny body con dress with the same respect you'd pay a man in a suit. 

• 5 - Ask the person with whom you want to have sex if they want to. NEVER presume. 

• 6 - DO NOT be controlling. Just because your last partner thought it was hot doesn't mean everybody does. To some it's scary and in turn makes them too intimidated to say no for fear they'll get hurt. 

• 7 - Be aware of their body language. If at any point you get even the slightest inclining that sex might not be want they want, ask them. If you're scared of ruining the mood then you're simply too selfish to be having sex. ASK THEM WHAT THEY LIKE AND IF THEY'RE ENJOYING THEMSELVES. 

• 8 Don't drug or intoxicate anyone in order to have sex with them. If you feel the need to inhibit how a person can act to have sex with them, then you're trying to have sex with the wrong person. NEVER EVER slip ANYTHING to someones drink. 

• 9 Just because you didn't put your penis into a person doesn't mean it isn't rape. Putting anything, whether it be an inanimate object or a finger into or on a person without their consent is rape. A good and easy to remember rule of thumb is to just not touch anyone without knowing they want to be touched. This means no grabbing someones ass, no cat calling and definitely no groping. DO NOT TOUCH ANYONE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT.

Now on the other end of the spectrum, if YOU are the one who doesn't want to have sex but are being guilted/forced/manipulated into it PLEASE SPEAK UP. Don't be afraid to say no as many times as is necessary. 
Shout, scream for help if you need to. You and you alone are in control of your body, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

 Or if you do want to have sex but don't enjoy what they're doing then tell them. Sex should be enjoyable for all parties. Tell them how you feel, don't expect them to know. Some people are just crap at reading body language and can't take hints. Tell the person how you feel, be outright. 

This post was fueled with anger by far too many cases of rape and assault being taken so lightly because the person who was raped was drunk/alone/dressed provocatively/unconcious. Or that the rapist had a "bright future" or "it wasn't in his nature." Rape is rape no matter who you are/think you are. If it isn't consensual it isn't sex it's rape. And again one more time in case there is any confusion.

IF IT ISN'T CONSENSUAL IT ISN'T SEX, 

IT IS RAPE. 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share this post with anyone you feel needs to read this. It is such an important topic that people still shy away from talking about. Break the taboo to ensure people are educated and aware of rape and what it means. 

Oh and to Brock Turner and all the other disgusting specimens that walk this earth after raping someone, I sincerely hope you rot in hell.