I'm here to write about my feelings at this moment in time. 

I keep having little epiphanies in relation to issues I have both physically and mentally. However, shortly after these epiphanies I revert to how I felt before. Maybe I overthink or maybe I'm just too fickle, but I can never stick to new positive frames of mind.

I think my biggest issues right now are my general unhappiness towards the life I live right now and my inability to shake my long term rut I seem to be stuck in.

Basically, I'm a confused 19 year old. Pretty normal. But I look at those around me and I see fulfilled people. People who enjoy what they study and have a basic career path. And those who don't, know their passions. I don't know any of these things, I crave the knowledge other people have of themselves. I want to know myself. I need to know what makes me tick. I need to go on a journey of self discovery. Is traveling the way to go? Are part time courses more useful? Is writing my thoughts onto a blank page or screen truly the most insightful path to where I want to be? I will try all three. For now I'm going to write about my dreams. I don't know if these are my dreams or just a romanticised series of events inspired by Tumblr but mashed together by my ever overactive mind.

I want to write. I want to write freely and creatively. I want to write for a purpose and I'm more than willing and happy to do those things independently. If I can make a decent living from writing I know in my heart I will be content.

I want to be busy. I want that 'on the go, coffee cup in one hand, phone on the other, constantly meeting and working' life I see of successful women. I want meetings that running late with clicking heels on puddle covered pavements. 

I want to travel with the love of my life and I want to travel alone. I want to kiss on planes, on trains and in taxis. I want roaming hands and we explore a new city. I want cheap foreign food accompanied by sunsets and smirks. I want a la cart menu looking out onto busy streets laughing to myself about how much I don't belong here. I want nights in a single bed with tea and coffee making facilities. Continental breakfasts alone. I want to barter for a gift in a language I don't speak just because I can with no one to celebrate such an accomplishment with but myself.

I want to see the vastness of what is around me. I want to see colour and paycheques and love and loneliness and friendship. I want to feel everything. I want to be talented enough to touch other people, to make a stranger think about a sentence I constructed. I want my excitement to be back. I want to feel exhilarated at the mere thought of my future.

For the first time in months I feel truly excited for my future. So maybe writing my mind was exactly what I needed. 

This playlist is just what I've been listening to most this week. You can listen to it on Spotify here and you can find all my other playlists here.

You Know You Like It - Aluna George (DJ SNAKE REMIX)

This has been out a while but it only properly listened to it recently. I love how it's still quite chill but it still makes me wanna sway and dance. Sorta sultry yet still playful it's an all round good track.

Hotline Bling - Drake

I love Drake. I know his latest album has been shit on but I really love this. Maybe it's cos the backing track brings me back to playing The Simpsons Hit and Run when I was ten but maybe it's just a genuinely good song, who knows.

Low Tide - XY&O

I can kinda already tell this is gonna be a song I like for a fortnight and never listen to a again. But now I love it's vibes and it's quite feel good on a sunny day. 

I Can't Lose - Mark Ronson (Pomo Remix) 

It's Ronson so it's obviously a little funky and it makes me wanna bop around in tight skirts. Yet again it's chill vibes and good times with this one. 

Runnin' (Lose it All) - Naughty Boy ft Beyoncé & Arrow Benjamin 

My pet peeve with this song is that Beyoncé is the featured artist. Who the fuck does Naughty Boy think he is?! I honestly can't stand Naughty Boy as a person so I hate myself for liking this. But at the end of the day Beyoncé voices nearly the entire thing and when she doesn't it's Arrow Benjamin so the listener isn't even aware that the wannabe Naughty Boy is even on this track. It's a good song though.

Elysium - Bears Den

I really love this. It's like a song that would play at the moment in a movie where the lead discovers they don't need anyone else and walks happily and content alone into the sunset. It's a lovely song when you need a pick me up from a crappy day.

Running Behind - HOLY CHILD

HAPPY FEEL GOOD DANCING ALONE IN YOUR ROOM IN FLOWY SKIRTS SONG. LISTEN TO IT. ITS GONNA LIFT YOUR MOOD AND YOUR ENTIRE DAY.

Never Forget You - Zara Larsson & MNEK

This is an amazing dance track with a drop that makes my head spin. Adore this song. I can see myself drunkenly running to the dance floor when this unexpectedly comes on in a club. 

Smile - Royal Concept 

This is the sing that would play at the beginning of a road trip with friends. Sorta sounds like Imagine Dragons but in a good way. Happy go lucky I probably won't listen to this song again after a week kinda song.

And that's it. Hope you liked, be sure to follow my social media. 

I wanted a grafea backpack as soon as I saw Sammi Maria sporting one. However once I realised they were real leather I was immediately put off them. So when I saw this faux leather grafea-esque bag for a quarter of the price my heart nearly stopped from excitement. But I'm at a loss as to what I'd wear it with and weather I could pull it off and for me €56 for a bag is quite a bit so I'm going to put off buying it until I figure how to style it. But I can see me buying this in a week after my birthday money reaches my hands.

Petite Checked Pinafore Dress - TOPSHOP - €57

Can we JUST talk about this please. It's beautiful and cute and smart. I want it now. 

Longline Faux Fur Coat - Missguided - €84
Okay I knew as soon as I saw this I'd never ever be able to buy this because €84 for a coat I'd have the balls to wear about six times is a lot but it's just so pretty and I never say that about pink clothes ever. If you really love me and have a few quid spare hit me up pleeeeeeaaaasseee.

Active Black Yoga Pants - Missguided - €14
I need more yoga and work out pants and these look pretty cool. I love how they look kind of like disco pants so it's not as bad if I'm lounging around or just running errands in these.

Cold Shoulder Over Sized Dark Grey Jersey Dress - Missguided - €21
I've wanted a grey wintery day dress since September 1st and it was okay for grey to be worn on the reg again.  And this is a gorgeous dress that would fit in on a romantic dinner date, casual drinks with friends or a much needed shopping trip. Really wearable and cute.

Strappy Burgundy Velvet Swing Dress - Missguided - €25
CAN WE PLEASE NEVER LOOK AT ANY OTHER DRESS AGAIN. It may be very love cut and my minuscule tits will undoubtably struggle to keep this up but it's just so cute yet sexy at the same time. And it does the flowy spiny thing and I could wear it when I want to feel cute and a lil preppy and when I feel more grungy and edgy and like I wanna kill a man. I just love it.

Strappy Lace Up Heel Sandals - Missguided - €49

Once again I've wanted a pair of these for so long but I've hated my feet since I was six so always just look on in admiration. But if once I get over my severe disgust towards my feet then these are the first pair of shoes I'd buy.

Ultra 32 Shade Eyeshadow Palette in FLAWLESS - MAKEUP REVOLUTION - £8

I love all of these shades and for traveling this would combat the countless palettes I now bring on weekends (which turn into fortnights) away. I love the other Make Up Revolution things I own so I'd love to try this. Seeing as this is so cheap I'll probably buy it soon enough.

Seeing as this is my birthday month I will probably own the majority of things on here by the end of the month so maybe you'll be seeing them on here soon. Hopefully. 

Thanks for reading and be sure to check out my social media. 

Today I'm bringing you a chill playlist. Things have been a little hectic and busy and I'm finally home and able to do literally nothing and I'm actually glad of it. Inspired by one of my best friends Erin here's my Chill Playlist of The Week. You can listen to this as well as all the other Playlist Of The Week's on Spotify here. 

1 Lay It All On Me // Rudimental ft. Ed Sheeran 

2 Mine // Beyoncé ft Drake

3 Pets // deadmau5

4 Ribs // Lorde

5 Home // Mount Dreams

6 The Times They Are A Changing // Bob Dylan 

7 Smother // Daughter 

8 Every Other Freckle // alt - J

9 Better in The Dark // Say Lou Lou

10 Ease // Troye Sivan

Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoy. Be sure to check out my social media.