Hiiii! Sorry it's been a while but recently I've been quite busy. In my last post almost a month ago I wrote about how I was about to start college and I made a list of some of the things I wanted to achieve. However, a lot has changed in the space of a month. First of all my "first day of college" really didn't go as planned. Despite the fact I wrote that I was exited to start college and that I would push through my anxiety to get there on the first day, I soon discovered it was a lot easier said than done. On the morning I was supposed to start college, I had quite a severe panic attack in front of my parents who, one week prior, hadn't actually known I suffered so badly from them. My mum immediately said I couldn't go to college and my dad informed my college lecturer of this. But my lecturer said he wanted to meet with me to discuss whatever issues were standing in my way of studying with them. Anyway because my parents saw my anxiety in full force they told me to look into a remedy. Since that day I have been taking a herbal remedy to ease my anxiety and it has worked wonders. I met later in the week with my lecturer and this meeting convinced me to attend the course I was signed up for. However since that week where I genuinely contemplated not attending college, getting a job and moving away with one of my friends, my life has improved drastically. For a start, I have stopped breaking down in tears any time anyone mentioned college, or my boyfriend or anything related. I also started to actually attend college, I no longer have to have a constant distraction from life and I have become much more independent. I have even achieved a few of the things on my previous list.
- Travel Alone
- Talk to new people and make friends
Contrary to what I previously thought the people who are in my course in college are some of the most friendly and nice people I have ever met and they all welcomed me to the class. Since then I have made new friends and I always have someone to talk to in class and have even been invited on nights out. The idea of talking to new people was horrifying a short time ago but now I feel like I am able to do it, without too much panic. I'm so happy to say I'm not alone in my class and because of that I'm completely comfortable in it and feel capable of speaking in class and voicing my opinions. Once again I'm so proud of actually achieving this because I genuinely believed I wouldn't be able to.
- Go Shopping Alone
My college is in the same place where I do all of my clothes shopping so it's much easier to actually go shopping now that it was before and with waiting around for buses it would be almost impossible not to go shopping so this is one that was actually really achievable with almost no effort. I shop alone every day now and don't think much about it. Initially I did though. I was so proud of myself for buying a new tshirt alone that I actually kept the tag in my memory box, as sad as it sounds. But yeah this one was waaaaay easier to achieve than I first thought.
- Eat Lunch Alone
This was one I never thought I'd be capable of doing. I would have to line up for food, order the food and actually sit down and eat the food ALONE. Like how would I have been able to do that. But I did. One afternoon I had to meet my boyfriend from his bus back from college but I had an hour to spare before he arrived and I was painfully hungry. So I walked into McDonalds, ordered my usual and sat down to eat it ALONE. As I looked around me I noticed a lot of other people who were also eating alone and I didn't feel alone anymore. About 15 other people were sitting alone at random tables. Honestly as I sat their eating my fries I was actually astonished that I'd done this and I felt weirdly satisfied that I could do it any time from now on with no hesitation.
This was probably such a boring post but I thought I'd make it because it ties in with my last one. I'll be posting more normally from now on and I'll update every time I check something off my "To - Do This Year" list. If you're actually still reading THANK YOU and keep checking back for more posts :D
Also shout out to my friend Sionainn who made me feel ridiculously happy cos she said she really likes my blog and stuff so HIYA THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY ACTUAL GOD.
