Sex is something that's very very personal and has different meanings to different people. Today there are so many sexualities and genders that sex no longer means penis in vagina or even penetrative sex. Sex is whatever the individual wants it to be. I won't explain all the variants of sex because, as a straight white woman, I simply don't know them all. Somehow though, and maybe this has to do with the times, the lines between consensual sex and rape have been blurred.
Let me state clearly
non consensual sex isn't sex, it's rape.
There are no blurred lines with sex or any kind of sexual activity. Whether you count sex as vaginal penetration or simply mouth on clit, if it isn't consensual it isn't sex.
non consensual sex isn't sex, it's rape.
There are no blurred lines with sex or any kind of sexual activity. Whether you count sex as vaginal penetration or simply mouth on clit, if it isn't consensual it isn't sex.
So with that preface and given that society teaches people to not to get raped rather than don't rape here's a guide on
how not to rape:
- 1 - DO NOT think anyone owes you anything. Rid yourself of that thought immediately. It doesn't matter if you have been monogamous with the person you want to have sex with for 20 years or if you have only just learned their name, they owe you nothing. Just because you're horny and deem yourself worthy of their time doesn't mean you are. If they don't want to have sex, don't make them have sex.
- 2 - If the person you want to have sex with says no, then that's that. DO NOT beg them, do not guilt them, DO NOT make them repeat themselves. One no is enough.No does not mean convince them. If a dog can understand the word no, then so can a sexually active human. NO MEANS NO. Respect that.
- 3 - Just because a person can't talk and say no doesn't make that a yes. And by this I mean if a person is passed out/high/asleep/unconcious that is NOT a green light to fuck them or touch them in anyway. If they can't say no that doesn't mean it's a yes.
- 4 - If someone is wearing revealing clothes it doesn't mean they're "Asking For It." What a person puts on their body doesn't warrant anyone to judge or make assumptions. You should treat a girl who's wearing a teeny tiny body con dress with the same respect you'd pay a man in a suit.
- 5 - Ask the person with whom you want to have sex if they want to. NEVER presume.
- 6 - DO NOT be controlling. Just because your last partner thought it was hot doesn't mean everybody does. To some it's scary and in turn makes them too intimidated to say no for fear they'll get hurt.
- 7 - Be aware of their body language. If at any point you get even the slightest inclining that sex might not be want they want, ask them. If you're scared of ruining the mood then you're simply too selfish to be having sex. ASK THEM WHAT THEY LIKE AND IF THEY'RE ENJOYING THEMSELVES.
- 8 Don't drug or intoxicate anyone in order to have sex with them. If you feel the need to inhibit how a person can act to have sex with them, then you're trying to have sex with the wrong person. NEVER EVER slip ANYTHING to someones drink.
- 9 Just because you didn't put your penis into a person doesn't mean it isn't rape. Putting anything, whether it be an inanimate object or a finger into or on a person without their consent is rape. A good and easy to remember rule of thumb is to just not touch anyone without knowing they want to be touched. This means no grabbing someones ass, no cat calling and definitely no groping. DO NOT TOUCH ANYONE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT.
Now on the other end of the spectrum, if YOU are the one who doesn't want to have sex but are being guilted/forced/manipulated into it PLEASE SPEAK UP. Don't be afraid to say no as many times as is necessary.
Shout, scream for help if you need to. You and you alone are in control of your body, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
Or if you do want to have sex but don't enjoy what they're doing then tell them. Sex should be enjoyable for all parties. Tell them how you feel, don't expect them to know. Some people are just crap at reading body language and can't take hints. Tell the person how you feel, be outright.
Shout, scream for help if you need to. You and you alone are in control of your body, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
Or if you do want to have sex but don't enjoy what they're doing then tell them. Sex should be enjoyable for all parties. Tell them how you feel, don't expect them to know. Some people are just crap at reading body language and can't take hints. Tell the person how you feel, be outright.
This post was fueled with anger by far too many cases of rape and assault being taken so lightly because the person who was raped was drunk/alone/dressed provocatively/unconcious. Or that the rapist had a "bright future" or "it wasn't in his nature." Rape is rape no matter who you are/think you are. If it isn't consensual it isn't sex it's rape. And again one more time in case there is any confusion.
IF IT ISN'T CONSENSUAL IT ISN'T SEX,
IT IS RAPE.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share this post with anyone you feel needs to read this. It is such an important topic that people still shy away from talking about. Break the taboo to ensure people are educated and aware of rape and what it means.
Oh and to Brock Turner and all the other disgusting specimens that walk this earth after raping someone, I sincerely hope you rot in hell.
Oh and to Brock Turner and all the other disgusting specimens that walk this earth after raping someone, I sincerely hope you rot in hell.
