(I took this photo the last time I ever hung out successfully with my old friend group)

Last summer was a weird one for me. It feels like yesterday but it's been nearly three months since Summer ended. 

This summer I lost some friends. Through no fault but my own. Well, initially. 

I won't get into the ins and outs of what happened but here's the gist. 

I told two friends about a secret best friend swore me to secret about. She found out six months later from one of the friends I told.

I apologised and apologised but my best friend wouldn't accept it. As a result, and knowing I had drifted from the group already, I said I'd leave the group and keep in contact with everyone separately so as not to see my best friend. I didn't want everything to be nice as pie to my face and then having everyone hate me behind my back. This didn't come across in my messages so a few of my other friends took it that I didn't wanna be their friend anymore. 

Cut to a few weeks later and I find that the little clique went on a lil escapade without telling anyone outside of their newly formed clique. I post an indirect on Instagram through a tag which doesn't go down well and results in me being completely hated by the clique.

While I am fully aware I was in the wrong to begin and it was so immature of me to indirect I learned something massive from it. Apart from the obvious don't tell a huge secret when I know I shouldn't. 

Never ever apologise more than once for a mistake. I'm not in anyway saying you shouldn't apologise. But give one sincere apology. And I mean really really mean it. If the other person won't forgive you, then that isn't someone you want to be friends with. It is nothing but immature and, if I'm honest, stupid. Especially from an old and best friend. 

I also learned this summer that some friendships aren't as meaningful or watertight as you'd think. I lost friends in June but have I missed them? Not at all. I haven't had a forced conversation, or been forced to listen to immature freak outs for FIVE MONTHS. But what I've enjoyed most is not hearing backhanded digs at me, my boyfriend or my general feelings. It's a horrible feeling to be scared to tell your closest friends things for fear of ridicule or mean comments. My real friends shone through and I'm closer than ever to all of them. And despite the fact they know I told a secret, they still trust me and I'm one of their best friends. They understand that people make mistakes and they agree with me on the whole issue. We are different people and have different personalities but we still GET each other. 

So to anyone reading this here's what you should take away from this post:

⁃ If you make a mistake give one sincere and meaningful apology and if it isn't enough don't give another. 

⁃ If friends leave you when there's a split in the group, they aren't your friends. No matter how long you've been friends or how close you thought you were. 

Everyone makes mistakes and if you learn from them then you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Good things can come from mistakes which is exactly what happened to me. 

Thanks for reading and be sure to check out my social media. 

This is a tough one. I've had a good life with many happy moments. When I was four and I sat on Santa's lap and he told me I was a good girl I beamed for a week. When my family brought our Labrador Bart home and he ran to me first I felt a weird sense of maternal happiness towards a tiny puppy. When my boyfriend inadvertently told me he loved me as we sat on my bedroom floor laughing and enjoying a freedom I'd never experienced before, I felt my heart expand. But I think the happiest moment of my life was my first day of college. 

Here's some back story. On the week running up to September 1st I was not in a good place. I felt alone and isolated. I was riddled with anxieties I didn't even know I had. So September 1st came and I couldn't breath. On the day that should have been my first day of college I had my first panic attic. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably for hours. But after a few days and a little medication I managed to venture into college. 

My friend was also attending college that day. He stayed with me til my first class started, walked me into my building and wished me luck with a hug. I walked nervously, checking the room number of every door and my heart quickened with every door that passed. I looked up and outside the room I was supposed to be stood a group of 15 people, all around my age or a bit older. My voice shook as I asked if this was journalism. They all nodded happily. A few people chatted and laughed with each other but I just stared around me hoping no one would notice just how nervous I was, I prayed my shaking hand wouldn't be spotted by the class joker. Luckily it wasn't and a minute later my lecturer walks past and everyone files into the class. I sat beside a girl who become a great friend throughout the year. Without such a friendly face I don't even know what I would have done. After the day was over I returned home, so, so relived. I felt so at peace and so happy. I had actually accomplished something and over come my anxieties and fears. That was the purest form of happiness I've ever felt. 

Thanks for reading. You can read the rest of my November Blogging Challenge here. 

My year didnt really begin until Febuary. I discovered something amazing which changed my perspective on so many things. February also brought the first Valentine's Day I actually had a boyfriend for. However it wasn't at all as exciting as people make it out. 

In March I saw KODALINE perform live in Belfast. Their support acts were a band called White Chalk and the now much anticipated James Bay. That night I got to hear my all time favourite song "All I Want" performed live and it's something that will stay with me forever. 

April brought the first time I had to really study for exams. I had my leavingcert oral exams for French and Irish and as I was studying honours in both it was quite a task. One thing I will remember vividly from this time is I spent the evening before my actual French Oral with my boyfriend at my local GAA pitch. I don't even play any sports. He claimed he helped me study and so we spoke french as we walked home as the sun set eating ice cream and sweets. I should have practiced more but I think laughing at dumb jokes and getting eaten alive by flies was WAAAY more beneficial. 

With May came One Direction and 5SOS in Croke Park. While I love 1D and Harry Styles' beautiful face I thought 5 seconds of Summer were beyond perfect. We were on our feet for about seven hours straight and it rained on us for a while and I had to wear a huge yellow plastic rain coat which resembled a tent but it was so good to feel like I was twelve and scream HARRY at the top of my lungs. I also got the day after off school so yay bonus. 

In June I not only completely my leaving cert exams but I finished school forever. I got to wave bye bye to my hated biology teacher and hello to a summer of eating, sleeping and blogging. 

In July I saw Royal Blood, Jake Bugg and the Arctic Monkeys perform in Marley Park in Dublin. As usual I went with one of my best friends Erin (who I attend almost all my concerts with). It saw the return of the yellow tent coat and there are several images of me looking quite insatiable sat on dead grass unable to move as puddles collect around me. I also went to Limerick with my boyfriend to check out the uni down there. It was the first time I'd been allowed to actually stay so far away from home and it was so much fun.

In August I got my Leaving Cert results. I did waaaay better than I thought and I not only passed maths but I actually got a B2. I also got an A in business and B1's in History and English. I miraculously scraped an honour in Irish which is something I'll ALWAYS be proud of. August was also a very challenging month for me. I started to have massive doubts about choosing to attend a local college to study Journalism. I realised my personality simply didn't match that of a journalist which caused me massive anxiety. It also dawned on me that my boyfriend was leaving to attend his college which is over two hours from where we live. This added to the anxiety and caused me to go through a horrible time I never ever want to go through again. I also finished Simpsons hit and run this month and it may have been 7 years in the making but I'm SO PROUD.

September was a mixed month. It started terribly as I was supposed to start college to study something I had wanted since I was 14. However on the morning of, I had a huge panic attack which caused me to completely break down in front of my parents who wouldn't allow me to go. However I found a remedy for the anxiety and a week later I managed to go. My parents got married a week after this. After 25 years together my parents had a very intimate wedding with myself and my brother as the only guests. It was so amazing to be able to see my own parents express their love for one another after so long. After the wedding my parents flew off to Crete for two weeks, leaving me alone. I initially thought I'd be terrified but it turned out to be some of the best time of my year. I impromptu dip dyed my hair blue, and skipped college a couple times. I also got properly drunk with one of my best friends katie in her college apartment on cheap vodka. We played never have I ever and got so drunk we completely forgot the rules of the game so just kept drinking. I confessed my love to my boyfriend over and over via drunk texts and accidentally called him ugly. I hadn't laughed so much for over a month and it helped me so much. I don't think I ever thanked katie for that night so heres to you katie 👊 

I turned 18 in October. Becoming an adult didn't change much. I didn't feel a sudden sense of knowledge. I couldn't miraculously make better decisions. I also saw Ed Sheeran live for the first time. I've  rambled on about this amazing experience in a previous blog post. You should check that out ;) Safe to say it was amazing. I got drunk with my boyfriend for the first time this month too and he ended up having to walk me home as I'd lost my ability to walk three hours after we left for the party. Top lad. 

November First marked one year since myself and my boyfriend first got together in a friends empty bedroom and I was too scared to kiss him properly. I also got a job in a hotel, and saw my favourite YouTuber BriBry perform in Belfast. Myself and Erin also got our photo taken with him. There was no more than 300 people at this gig which meant it was beautifully intimidate. It was by far one of the best gigs I've been to this year.  

December was a huge mish mash. I fled to my boyfriends student accommodation in Sligo, skipping college and falling behind on work. I didn't want to go home and used every excuse not to do so. However when I did finally go home everything was fine and dandy. I actually went out to a club with my friend katie and a bunch of her friends and had one of the best nights out I've  ever had. However the day after my night out my dad was taken into hospital where he'd stay for a week. The doctors didn't initially understand what was wrong with dad but we soon found out he had heart failure and would need a serious life style change. Everything looked slightly terrifying and we didn't think he'd be home for Christmas. I'd had a pretty emotionally straining latter half of the year but this was by far the hardest thing I'd ever been through. However at 6pm on Christmas Eve dad was told he could go home. Since then he's been doing fine but it's all a bit to get used to. 

(Myself and Katies roommate Orla after very little alcohol but we were feeling very very drunk. Somehow we ate lemon slices at the bar and photo bombed everyone. Amazing night.)

So that's my year! I hope that it picks up and becomes at least a little less straining. However I can't even explain how happy I am that dad is doing better. As long as dad stays healthy and home in 2015 I'll have had a good year. I hope your year has been good and that 2015 brings amazing things 😍

At the moment things in my life are changing, A LOT. I finished secondary school after completing my exams last June. Since then summer has passed and I have received my results which I am over the moon with. Not only can I proceed with my plans to attend a 2 year journalism course close to my home but I got enough points to be able to attend a university journalism course within Ireland, something I never thought I'd be able to do. But despite the fact I had everything planned out, where I would go to college, when I'd get a job, when I'd move out, I'm terrified.

        A few of my friends are moving away to far away cities to attend college but the majority of my friends are staying close to home, something I'm massively grateful for. My three best friends are still going to be living near me, even if one of them is moving into student accommodation. However my boyfriend will be moving 2 hours away. I'm fully aware that 2 hours isn't that far but change is something I don't cope well with. Added to that is my anxiety has increased dramatically over the past few weeks, especially over attending a new college with people I don't know studying a subject I'm not 100% sure I want to study. For me, what some people believe to be simple every day tasks, are difficult and tiring. Talking to new people terrifies me. Asking the teacher a question terrifies me. Being in a crowded space terrifies me. It's something I need to work on and I am every day. I can't let that stand in the way of me doing things any more. Sometimes I get so upset over everything thats changing in my life that it's difficult to breathe. But I have amazing friends and a wonderful boyfriend who calm me down on my frequent "omg I'm going to fail at life no ones gonna like me" freak outs, and I'm so grateful for them. 

        However one night last week everything just came tumbling down on top of me and I completely broke down on the floor in tears (wait to be emotionally stable Ang). But as I was sat there in a tear soaked hoody with mascara slowly running down my cheeks I looked in the mirror and what I saw horrified me. I have never been a girl to cry in public or in front of people, well except at films - I mean TFIOS and The Notebook I'm not made of stone. I would never tell someone that I'd been crying let alone cry on my boyfriends shoulder just because he's moving a short bus journey away or actually ask my friend if i can simply vent to her. For the next two years I get to live at home, take a half hour bus ride to college and study something I have an interest in all while my best friends are within driving distance and I get to see my boyfriend at weekends and holidays. I'm not sick, my parents and loved ones are healthy and I come home every day to an excited Labrador who is ecstatic to see me. I'm starting to work on my anxiety and even now I'm doing something last year I would never have dreamt of, showing my writing to people other than my three closest friends. I know now that I can't let it get in the way of me living my life. So I'm going to make a list of things that I'm going to do, things that will be difficult for me and will require me to push through the panic, and I'm going to post about them on here as they happen. So here's the list - 

Some of those may seem everyday and mundane but trust me I'm gonna have to work hard to achieve them. I'd also like to thank my friends and boyfriend for being so supportive through my stupid freak outs because they're also going through all of this and more but still find the time and have the patience to talk to me and calm me so yeah THANK YOU! 

Well that's todays post and I'll keep the blog updated when all of the things listed above happen. Be sure to check back everyday for updates :D Thanks for reading!