Angela Live Blogs Life: rape

, by Unknown

An Open Letter To Brock Turners Family

Dear Turners,

I open this by saying I'm sorry about what you are currently going through. No family should have to deal with such stress. Having to witness your child going through something as horrific as you are must be testing. It must break your heart to see someone you probably still think of as your baby being hurt and his future shattered. If you read that again, and this time think of Brocks victim, it still makes sense doesn't it? If you put yourself in the place of the victims parents who, much like you, didn't envisage this kind of future for their child, it's impossibly easy to understand why an uproar has occurred.

To Brocks father Dan,

I sincerely hope you retract your letter. Or at least regret what you stated. Your son may have been happy go lucky and while you did try and humanise him you shouldn't have to. But you do, because your son raped and assaulted a young woman. Much like you claim your son is, I'm willing to bet that Brocks victim is "consumed with worry, anxiety, fear and depression," due to the fact your son couldn't control himself. Alcohol wasn't to blame for what happened on the nights of Jan 17th and 18th. No, your son is to blame and nothing else. Brock had to make a decision. Either he could leave an unconscious woman alone, leave her fully clothed and resting. Or he could assault her. As you know he chose the latter. That doesn't make him the man you clearly thought he was or could be. That means whatever bright future may have been ahead of him should be taken away. Just like that womans dignity was taken away with every unwanted touch of your sons hand. Your son is a rapist who happened to be a swimmer and college student. These things do not automatically erase what your son did. Neither will the embarrassingly measly sentence your son got. 6 months in prison will not erase the disgusting things your son did. Please empathise with the victim, or at least her parents. They too have had to see their childs future ruined or altered. Only, unlike Brocks future, this wasn't ripped apart due to her own actions. Your son chose to have his "20 minutes of action" with an unconscious woman and he should pay a price much dearer than he has been given. Once again. "binge drinking" was not responsible for what happened that night, your son was. Wake up and realise that your son is not the victim here. His future has changed due to his own callous and disgusting actions.

To Brocks Mother Carleen,

Your sons smile should have been wiped from his face, and if he had been given the sentence he deserved then his smile would been gone from his face a lot longer. He may have been a polite and respectful child, but he was none of those things to his victim. As a woman you should recognise the severity of what your son has done. Your son may have been a keen swimmer from an early age and he may have achieved highly in academia. But your son chose to swim, he chose to study hard and your son chose to assault and rape a young woman. For that he deserves a suitable punishment and 6 months in jail simply isn't enough. He will never feel as violated as his victim did that night, he will never know of the horribly intrusive questioning she went through. He will never know the depths she will have sank to during her time recovering from such a disgustingly awful assault. Her alcohol consumption is not to blame for what happened, your son Brock is. Your attempts to humanise him genuinely make me sick to my stomach. Surely you can see how wrong it is to defend a rapist no matter if he is your son. If your daughter had been assaulted and raped would you blame her? I hope to god you wouldn't and you instead would stand up and defend your daughter with the vigor you are defending your guilty son. His thoughtfulness as a child, once again, doesn't erase his actions. If he was truly thoughtful and respectful he would have known not to touch a woman without her consent. You may have raised a respectful, polite, high achieving young man but he certainly didn't turn out to be one. You need to realise your son assaulted and raped a young woman. His past has no impact whatsoever on his actions. His family history, his background or his athletic and academic ability cannot and should not have been taken into account when Brock was being sentenced. Victimising your son and blaming the REAL victim in all this is harrowing and completely out of order. Your son raped a young woman. Therefor he is a rapist and deserves the sentencing that should be attached to that.

Yours,

A woman who is scared for humanity.

2 comments

, by Unknown

advice

How Not To Rape

Sex is something that's very very personal and has different meanings to different people. Today there are so many sexualities and genders that sex no longer means penis in vagina or even penetrative sex. Sex is whatever the individual wants it to be. I won't explain all the variants of sex because, as a straight white woman, I simply don't know them all. Somehow though, and maybe this has to do with the times, the lines between consensual sex and rape have been blurred.

Let me state clearly
non consensual sex isn't sex, it's rape.
There are no blurred lines with sex or any kind of sexual activity. Whether you count sex as vaginal penetration or simply mouth on clit, if it isn't consensual it isn't sex.

So with that preface and given that society teaches people to not to get raped rather than don't rape here's a guide on

how not to rape:

1 - DO NOT think anyone owes you anything. Rid yourself of that thought immediately. It doesn't matter if you have been monogamous with the person you want to have sex with for 20 years or if you have only just learned their name, they owe you nothing. Just because you're horny and deem yourself worthy of their time doesn't mean you are. If they don't want to have sex, don't make them have sex.

2 - If the person you want to have sex with says no, then that's that. DO NOT beg them, do not guilt them, DO NOT make them repeat themselves. One no is enough.No does not mean convince them. If a dog can understand the word no, then so can a sexually active human. NO MEANS NO. Respect that.

3 - Just because a person can't talk and say no doesn't make that a yes. And by this I mean if a person is passed out/high/asleep/unconcious that is NOT a green light to fuck them or touch them in anyway. If they can't say no that doesn't mean it's a yes.

4 - If someone is wearing revealing clothes it doesn't mean they're "Asking For It." What a person puts on their body doesn't warrant anyone to judge or make assumptions. You should treat a girl who's wearing a teeny tiny body con dress with the same respect you'd pay a man in a suit.

5 - Ask the person with whom you want to have sex if they want to. NEVER presume.

6 - DO NOT be controlling. Just because your last partner thought it was hot doesn't mean everybody does. To some it's scary and in turn makes them too intimidated to say no for fear they'll get hurt.

7 - Be aware of their body language. If at any point you get even the slightest inclining that sex might not be want they want, ask them. If you're scared of ruining the mood then you're simply too selfish to be having sex. ASK THEM WHAT THEY LIKE AND IF THEY'RE ENJOYING THEMSELVES.

8 Don't drug or intoxicate anyone in order to have sex with them. If you feel the need to inhibit how a person can act to have sex with them, then you're trying to have sex with the wrong person. NEVER EVER slip ANYTHING to someones drink.

9 Just because you didn't put your penis into a person doesn't mean it isn't rape. Putting anything, whether it be an inanimate object or a finger into or on a person without their consent is rape. A good and easy to remember rule of thumb is to just not touch anyone without knowing they want to be touched. This means no grabbing someones ass, no cat calling and definitely no groping. DO NOT TOUCH ANYONE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT.

Now on the other end of the spectrum, if YOU are the one who doesn't want to have sex but are being guilted/forced/manipulated into it PLEASE SPEAK UP. Don't be afraid to say no as many times as is necessary.
Shout, scream for help if you need to. You and you alone are in control of your body, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Or if you do want to have sex but don't enjoy what they're doing then tell them. Sex should be enjoyable for all parties. Tell them how you feel, don't expect them to know. Some people are just crap at reading body language and can't take hints. Tell the person how you feel, be outright.

This post was fueled with anger by far too many cases of rape and assault being taken so lightly because the person who was raped was drunk/alone/dressed provocatively/unconcious. Or that the rapist had a "bright future" or "it wasn't in his nature." Rape is rape no matter who you are/think you are. If it isn't consensual it isn't sex it's rape. And again one more time in case there is any confusion.

IF IT ISN'T CONSENSUAL IT ISN'T SEX,

IT IS RAPE.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share this post with anyone you feel needs to read this. It is such an important topic that people still shy away from talking about. Break the taboo to ensure people are educated and aware of rape and what it means.

Oh and to Brock Turner and all the other disgusting specimens that walk this earth after raping someone, I sincerely hope you rot in hell.

1 comments

, by Unknown

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